


Happy Ever After

by Mallorysgirl



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Childhood, Childhood Trauma, Dysfunctional Relationships, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, Love, M/M, Sexual Content, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2020-07-31 10:27:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20113597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mallorysgirl/pseuds/Mallorysgirl
Summary: Happy ever after wasn’t something that they were familiar with.





	1. Ben

Happy ever after wasn’t something that Ben was familiar with. He had spent a great deal of his young life bouncing from one tragedy to another. It almost seemed never ending. 

As a small child he had lost a large amount of his hearing due to contracting meningitis as a baby. In his formative years he had struggled to mix with other children. Wearing a hearing aid and having poor eyesight had put him at a disadvantage socially that had never seemed to leave him. He had few memories of the time he spent in South Africa with his mother and Gavin. He remembered that Gavin was a stern man that at times frightened him. He was always on edge, waiting for something to be wrong. Ben had known back then that he wasn’t really wanted, not by Gavin anyway. But at least he would always have his mother. 

Until she had been cruelly taken away from him. Another tragedy in the life of Ben Mitchell! Ten years old and alone in a foreign country was terrifying for the young boy, who felt he hadn’t got a friend in the world. Returning to live with his the older brother he had met but a handful of times, he understandably felt out of place. Soon enough he came face to face with his absent alcoholic father and his fate was sealed. Ben Mitchell would have to be brave, never show his feelings and push every painful emotion down. When you’re the weedy odd kid with glasses and a hearing aid having Phil Mitchell as a father was never going to be easy. 

Phil was a bully! Everyone knew that, and over the years none more than Ben. Phil seemed to have a hand in most of the tragedies in his life. He had brought that woman into their home. Stella Crawford had left a mark on Ben that would never fade. She had been the type of woman who could get inside your head and stay there. And although so many years had past, Ben would admit to himself that she was still present. Her abuse of him had be cruel and calculating, frightening the young boy into believing that she would make sure that Phil would one day find him dead in his bed. The memories that often flooded his brain of that woman burning him with teaspoons, digging her nails into him until he bled and viciously abusing him emotionally and mentally were a frequent reminder to him of the frightened little boy he once was. And may always be!

After Stella, Ben had made a promise to himself that he would never let anyone hurt him again. Jordan had learnt that the hard way. Sick of his constant taunting Ben snapped, taking that wrench a hitting the young boy which resulted in him being sent to young offenders. Frightened and alone once more Ben pushed down those hopeless feelings and tried to dodge the bullies as much as possible. It was no use! They always found him and he suffered their abuse. 

It was while he was in prison the first time that he started to question his sexuality. Up until trying to caved Jordan’s head in with one of his dad’s tools anyone who knew Ben would have described him as a sensitive boy. Not rough and tumble like the majority of boys on the square. Looking back he hated this stereotypical label that had befallen him. But he knew that Phil sensed it, hated it. Ben’s dance classes and obsession with musical theatre was tough guy Phil’s worst nightmare and he remembered several times when his father had hit or manhandled him in an attempt to show his frustration. On one occasion when he discovered Ben and Louise dancing to Lady Gaga, his old man had become violent. It had hurt that his problem was with him and not Louise. She was his little princess and the apple of his eye. She would never be the disappointment that Ben was. Ben thought back to a time when he blamed Louise for this. They had at times been so cruel to each other. She had taunted him and he retaliated by burning her with teaspoons, just like Stella had done to him. Thinking about it now he felt shame, it had been about control, behavior he had learnt from Stella. Things between him and Louise were now a complete contrast to their early years. Once she had returned home and they had gotten over their initial issues with each other, she had become one of the most important things in his world. He’d go to the end of the earth to protect her, to keep her safe and out of harms way. He loved her so much, even if he rarely said it. 

Life had never been simple for the young Mitchell, Phil had never accepted Ben’s sexuality, making him feel ashamed and dirty for so long. He had tried to prove to the world he was straight which had resented in his daughter being born and later the heartbreak of his oldest friend Abi. Re-connecting with Lexi had been the best decision he had ever made. He had missed out on so much during her early years. She was a live wire; she had her mother’s good looks and his sassiness and charm. She was a great comfort during the dark moments in his life and he promised to always be a better father than his own. He would give her the world and forever make her the centre of it.

There was a time that he thought that Lexi would not be an only child. Even at the height of his confusion he had wanted the baby she lied about. Even after all the heartbreak they caused each other he missed Abi so much. He thought about her often. She had been his only friend during that painful time with Stella and later once she had gotten over losing him to Paul they once again became good friends. 

Losing Paul was the biggest tragedy of his life, the pain he felt was indescribable even now. The pain never goes away, it’s always there. He waited so long for Paul, to find that one person that made him complete. He had never believed in soul mates until him, but now he was sure of them. Paul had waited so long for Ben, yet they had so little time together. Theirs was a love that could never be recreated; nothing would ever come close in comparison to the curly dark headed boy with olive skin and that beautiful smile.

That was until he locked eyes and shook hands with one Callum Highway. The tall, awkward, clumsy boy with bright blue eyes and a wide grin had melted his heart. Callum had stirred up feelings that Ben never thought he would feel again. That longing in his heart that so desperately needed Callum in every way possible. He wanted so much to feel the older man on his skin, to have him own Ben in mind, body and soul. To wake up in his arms and feel so safe and secure was all that Ben wanted. To not be Callum’s dirty little secret anymore, Paul had been his for so long and now it seemed that the tables had turned. He wondered how he had coped with being second best for so long? It was ripping Ben apart!  
They had only been having this affair four months but Ben had fallen hard for Callum. He was all he thought of, all he wanted and all he craved.

Lying in the dark, sweat drenching from their bodies they clung to each other. Callum stroking Ben’s back and placing soft kisses upon his shoulder, basking in the after glow of their lovemaking. Ben stretched up to kiss Callum’s mouth softly and sad smile playing on his lips. Ben knew Callum would be leaving soon, to go back to the flat. Back to Whitney!

Callum noticed the smile that didn’t reach his eyes and brushed their noses together affectionately and silently asked the question.

Sighing Ben looked at him through moist eyes and quietly asked, “When do I get my happy ever after?”


	2. Callum

The idea of a happy ever after is all Callum had ever craved. But life had made him a realist and the troubled childhood he had endured ensured that he never expected anything close to a fairytale.

He hadn’t had the greatest start in life. A selfish, absent, self-indulgent mother and an aggressive alcoholic bully of a father were never going to be a picture perfect combination. Maybe that was why Callum wanted so badly to have a family of his own one-day. To feel that sense of belonging that he had never been able to get at home.

His mother had left when he was six. He hadn’t many clear memories of her. Just that she would allow Callum to eat chocolate for breakfast and that when she did occasionally take him out they usually spent the time in the pub. He did remember the arguments that his parents would have though. The screaming, the smashing of items being thrown across the room would stay with him forever. When the rows became violent Callum would hide under his bed or sometimes sneak into Stuarts room and sleep there with him.

In his own weird way Stuart had always tried to be the protective big brother. Once their mother left, Jonno’s drinking had spiralled out of control, resulting in more and more violent outburst. Callum recalled one memory in particular, where his father had seen him playing with some of the girls off the estate. He couldn’t have been more than seven. His father had stumbled home drunk as usual that night and saw Callum skipping in the street with his friends. He look of disgust on his face would stay with Callum for the rest of his life. He stalked over to him, face contorted with anger, eyes burning with hatred. Jonno hauled him up under his arm and hastily headed for the house. 

Closing his eyes trying to block out the memory, he remembered the vile words venomously being spat in his direction 

“No son of mine’s going to be playing girly games like a Nancy boy,” 

Gay boy! Queer! Bender! – He didn’t understand what was meant by the names he called him at the time. Just that Jonno was disgusted by them and that was bad. He remembered being thrown to the floor, hitting it with a thud. He watched Jonno raise his hand to strike, but it never came. Stuart had pushed Jonno back towards the wall and the two older Highways’ were facing off. Stuart suffered the consequences of intervening that night. He always tried to hide his tears or muffle his cries so that Callum wouldn’t see or hear. But from the way he moved the next morning Callum knew that Jonno had taken his belt to Stuart the night before.

Stuart had protected Callum from Jonno’s beatings most of his early childhood, but when the day finally came for Stuart to venture off out on his own Callum was left to suffer the consequences of his father’s behaviour. He had never told Stuart about the abuse he suffered, that even now certain sounds would evoke memories that made Callum flinch.  
His teen years had been a conflicting time sexually. He didn’t have many friends growing up in South London. He mainly hung around with Lee Carter and his siblings. It was inevitable seeing that their families had grown up together. He remembered wishing Mick and Linda were his parents. Lee, Nancy and Johnny always knew they were loved. Something he himself had never really felt. 

Back in the day him and Lee were pretty much joined at the hip. They did everything together, got into so many scrapes. There was a time when Callum even questioned his feelings for Lee. They were in year ten and Nancy had spent months following him around looking all gooey eyed. He could tell that she had a crush on him, even without Lee’s constant teasing. Sure she was only a couple of years younger than him but he didn’t feel that way about her. Had never really felt that way about any girl. Instead he found himself constantly thinking about Lee and what it would be like to kiss him. The day Lee got his first girlfriend Callum cried himself to sleep. He spent weeks trying to hide his feelings, feign enthusiasm whenever Lee turned up with Libby in tow. He’d even tried to take an interest in Nancy, much to her delight. He remembered the one and only time they kissed. Callum was genuinely upset that he felt nothing. He hoped he would, and then maybe his silly little crush on Lee would disappear. It would have been so much easier if he’d fallen for Nancy rather than her big brother. He tried to let her down gently, told her that she felt more like a sister than a girlfriend and subsequently broke her heart. She in turn tried to break his nose, leading to Lee demanding to know what Callum had done to his sister. 

Admitting that he didn’t fancy girls wasn’t as hard as Callum thought. It came out in a bit of a blur, barely making any sense, but the words did come tumbling out. 

Lee seemed to understand. “Does this mean you like boys then Halfway?” 

“I..I,” he began looking down at his hands nervously “I don’t know what to think. I think some girls are pretty. I think Nance is pretty, it’s just I don’t want to kiss her,” Callum tried to gather his thoughts, terrified that this was all coming out wrong. 

“Cal,” Lee sat down on the floor next to him in Callum’s room “Maybe you haven’t met the right girl yet,”

Lee watched Callum roll his eyes at him! “Ok, I know that was a really stupid thing to say,” Lee held his hands up in apology and questioned “Would it really be such a terrible thing if you preferred kissing boys?”

“I never said I wanted to kiss a boy,” Callum snapped defensively 

Lee shot him a look “Who are you trying to convince Cal?” It was a simple enough question but Callum really wasn’t sure if it was Lee or himself. Turning his body towards Lee and leaning forward timidly, Callum decided to be brave. They were so close that he could feel that their knees were touching, butterflies were filling his stomach and he could feel his heart rate quicken. He could see Lee’s eyes questioning him as he gently kissed his best friend. It was soft and slow and for the first time Callum felt peace. The kiss lasted only seconds, Callum pulling away first, trying to gage Lee’s reaction. Finally letting his eyes flutter open Lee could see the fear staring back at him from Callum’s.

It was quite clear that he was terrified that his friend would respond badly, but Lee just smiled reassuringly and took his hand in his.

“Halfway,” he began gently “I think we can both safely say that it’s definitely boys you want to kiss,” He chuckled trying to lighten the mood. Callum laughed nervously. “You’re my best mate,” Callum’s heart sank as Lee continued. He knew where this was going “But I think I’ll stick to kissing girls,” 

Callum nodded feeling rejected. He’d broken Nancy’s heart and now Lee had broken his. “You won’t tell anyone will you?” he asked alarmed. The enormity of what Callum had just done finally hitting him.

“What? Lee exclaimed. Callum looked like a frightened rabbit “Of course not Cal,” Sighing Lee wrapped his arm around his best mates shoulder and pulled him into his side “Kissing me was a pretty ballsy thing to do,” he laughed “Our little secret, I promise,”

The great thing about having Lee as a mate was that even after everything that transpired he never betrayed Callum’s secret. Even when Callum had fallen for Chris and Lee stopped being the centre of his world. Lee still held onto that secret for him. He urged him to be honest with himself, be honest with Chris. Countless times Lee had tried to reassure him that Chris wouldn’t react badly. “Cal you once said that the only person you could be completely truthful with was me because I’m the person your closest to in the world. But I’m not anymore am I?”

Callum looked at his friend confused. Lee sat down on his bunk next to him and attempted to elaborate further. “That person is Chris now,” Lee indicated to the missing mans bunk in acknowledgment “Maybe you should try being honest with him. Tell him that you love him,”

That panicked fourteen-year-old boy from many years ago stared back at Lee with fear etched across his features. “I’m not going to out you Cal,” Lee explained rolling his eyes “Until your ready to admit how you feel it will always be our little secret,”

Turns out that by the time he’d finally admitted his feelings for Chris to himself it was far too late. Callum had never actually lost anyone he truly loved until Chris. When Chris’ sister turned up at the funeral parlour she blew his world apart. It seem like Callum Highway would never get his ‘happy ever after’ He never knew that he could feel so much pain; it felt like he’d had his insides ripped out. It was an ache that never went away, no matter how hard he tried to bury his feelings. If only he had been brave enough to admit the truth when he had the chance. From Chris’ letters it was pretty clear that the guy he had been in love with was Callum. If he had been brave, maybe Chris would still be alive and he wouldn’t have spent the last eighteen months lying about who he was to Whitney.

When he thought that nobody would ever want or love him, she came into his life. She was sweet and kind and beautiful and for the first time in forever he could see a future. He could see himself with a family; one different from his, one like the Carter’s had. He did love Whitney, he had told Lee so when he asked him outright. Coming back to the square Lee had risked being seen by the Carter’s and Whitney, but he had done it anyway because he needed to confront Callum.

“You sound like the jealous ex husband,” Callum exclaimed angrily as he defended himself against his oldest friends accusations.

“I only want what’s best for Whitney,” Lee answered calmly “I only want what’s best for both of you Halfway,”

“I love her Lee,” Callum reassured “All I want to do is make he happy,”

“You know…” Lee began trying to choose his words carefully “When mom told me you two were dating I was a little surprised. But then when she told me you were engaged….”

“What?” 

“Cal you’re gay!”

“Your wrong!” the taller man yelled defensively “That stuff from when we were kids….I was just confused,”

“Confused?” Lee scoffed “Callum you kissed me! You were in love with Chris!” Callum gestured for him to stop. Lee rushed over to him and seized his shoulders, forcing the young Highway lad to look directly at him “Not once have you ever shown the slightest interest in girls, other than playing along with the barrack banter when needed, not to arouse suspicion and one awkward kiss with Nancy a hundred years ago,’

Lee’s words were physically distressing him and the Carter boy could see the tears forming in his eyes “I’m not doing this to hurt you Cal,” he sighed “If you marry Whitney, if you keep denying your feelings then you’ll ruin both of your lives,”

“Lee please,” Callum begged tears falling from his eyes “You’re wrong,”

Shaking his head in frustration Lee knew he wasn’t going to win. Callum wasn’t ever going to listen. He promised to still keep their secret safe but begged him to think about the consequences that awaited him if he went ahead with this sham marriage. Lee’s words had hit him hard and both guilty and angry. His anger directed at Lee because he desperately craved the fairytale ending and Lee was trying to make him realise that he couldn’t have it. And the guilt he felt was all consuming. It weighed heavily upon his shoulders. He felt guilty for making Whitney live a lie. He felt guilty for making himself live that lie too. But mainly he felt guilty for falling in love with someone else while she was happily making wedding plans. 

He hadn’t meant to fall in love with Ben Mitchell but he had a way of getting under your skin. Making you crave him like you we’re the addict and he was the drug. When they first met Callum instantly felt that spark that he once had with Chris, but again just like with Chris he pushed the feelings down. But Ben was persistent and once he’d figured out Callum’s secret he was relentless. In the beginning Ben switched back and forth between supportive and teasing constantly, it had been exhausting if truth were told. The first time they kissed reminded him of the kiss he shared with Lee all those years ago. Sweet, tentative and innocent it conjured up feelings he had long buried. Unlike his first kiss, the one with Ben became passionate. Lips crushing against each other, mouths hot and wanting while hands touched and explored with a need of release. That first night with Ben was the first time Callum had ever felt like he belonged.

Ben had become part of him, had captured his heart in a way no one else ever had. In the beginning he had tried to fight it, did everything he could to deny it. Hell! He’d even proposed in an attempt to convince himself that he was straight. 

He wasn’t sure how much longer he could live his double life. He had been so fixated on obtaining this notion of the perfect life, to not be the person his father desperately thought he was. But with Ben he could be himself, the person he was supposed to be, the person he wanted to be.

Lying in the dark, naked limbs tangled together, warm sweat drenched skin upon skin. Breathless from their lovemaking Callum felt whole. That feeling of loneliness disappearing and being replaced the knowledge that he was really wanted. 

He sensed sadness behind Ben’s warm eyes and a smile that didn’t quite reach them. Pressing their foreheads together, he softly brushed their noses together affectionately. 

Ben had recognised the question and responded with another, which surprised Callum. Ben’s voice had barely been above a whisper “When do I get my happy ever after?” It was a simple question, but Callum couldn’t give him a proper answer. 

Using the pads of his thumbs to wipe away the tears threatening to fall from Ben’s eyes Callum shot him a sad smile. There really was only one answer and it was as simple as the question asked.

When would Ben get his ‘happy ever after?’

“When I get mine!” Callum answered hopefully.


	3. Locked in the Tower

Ben understood Callum’s fear of coming out. 

He had lived and breathed it himself, it seemed like a lifetime ago now but the memory of that time would stay with him forever. Lexi had been the only positive thing about that time of inner turmoil, the sunshine that came through the rain. He knew he was lucky, he had a daughter that idolised him and he loved her unconditionally. Thinking back to her conception he remembered how Lola had convinced him that sleeping together would be the best way to test whether he was truly gay or not. Who was he kidding? Just because he hadn’t slept with a girl before then, hadn’t stopped him deep down knowing he was gay. 

Thinking back it was a disaster, not his best performance by any accounts and thankfully it was over so quick that if it wasn’t for the precocious seven year old currently dancing to the greatest hits of Disney in front of him, he could almost forget it had ever happened.

“Daddy,” Lexi’s voiced called, pulling Ben from his thoughts

“Yes Princess,” Ben sighed slightly exasperated. He had just sat through forty-five minutes of sugary sweet songs from various fairytales and if he was honest it was slowly driving him insane. From Frozen’s ‘Let it go’ to Beauty and the Beast’s ‘Tale as old as time,” he really didn’t think he could take much more.

“When I get married I’m going to have a dress like Cinderella’s,” Lexi beamed. 

“What makes you think I’ll let you get married,” Ben teased, rising from his chair and grabbing his daughter around the waist. Lexi squealed in delight as her father span her around and lifted her into his arms.

“No young Prince is getting near my Princess,” he laughed “I’ll lock them in the dungeon and send you off to the tower. That way you can never leave me,” He kissed his small daughter on the cheek and pulled her into a hug.

Pulling back slightly to look at her father Lexi pondered Ben’s words before grinning, “Then I shall have to marry you instead daddy,”

Ben chuckled at his daughter “Lex, I can safely say that you are the only girl I would ever marry,”

Lexi grinned, rather happy with that information before asking “Daddy why aren’t you and mommy married?”

Ben looked wide eyed at his daughter, slightly unsure how to explain his relationship with Lola “Well…” he began, choosing his words carefully “Mommy and Daddy have always been friends and decided that although they love each other very much, they don’t love each other the way most mommies and daddies do,”

Lexi looked at him with confusion quite clearly written all over her face. Ben pondered where to go with this. Lex was at an age where she had begun to ask various questions. Some of which Ben had found quite uncomfortable, like the other day when she asked ‘Where do babies come from?’ and his personal favourite ‘Why won’t you and mommy give me a baby sister?” Ben had nearly spat his coffee across the breakfast table when she came out with that little gem.

“How about daddy tells you a story?” 

“What type of story?” Lexi enquired 

“A real life fairytale,” Ben answered smiling

Lexi nodded enthusiastically and they headed over to the chair facing the front window. Curled up in her father’s arms Lexi rested her head on his shoulder and listened intently.

“Once upon a time…” Ben began “There was a young Prince named Ben…”

Sitting up slightly Lexi eyed her father suspiciously “Daddy that’s your name. Is this story about you?” Smiling Ben had to admit he had a smart kid, nothing got past Lexi.

“Maybe…” Ben chuckled “Now Princess Lexi can I begin my story?”

Lexi nodded and lent back into her father’s arms once more. Clearing his throat Ben was allowed to continued “Ben didn’t live in a big castle in a kingdom, but rather right here in Walford,”

“While all the other Princess’ wanted to marry Princesses, Ben found that he wanted to meet another Prince instead. But Ben’s father the King didn’t like this idea and made Ben feel like he had to find a Princess. He met Princess Lola…”

“Mommy,” he heard Lexi say.

“Yes darling, Mommy,” Ben confirmed “Anyway Ben liked Lola and they decided to have a baby, who they named Princess Lexi,” he smiled “But Ben still wanted a Prince and he and Princess Lola decided to just be friends,”

“Did you find your Prince daddy?”

“Hang on I’m getting to that,” he laughed squeezing his daughter gently “Ben had been made to feel like it was wrong to want a Prince and felt like he was locked in a tower unable to escape,”

“Like Rapunzal?” 

“Like Rapunzal,” Ben confirmed “It was so lonely in that tower. He had no one to talk to and felt like he couldn’t escape, he was trapped and desperately wanted to be released so that he could be free to be himself,”

“Did you get out of the tower daddy?” The simplicity of Lexi’s question made Ben smile.

“I did,” he laughed, “I was rescued by a handsome Prince called Paul…”” Ben stopped briefly, his chest restricting with pain as he thought of his beloved Paul. He swallowed hard and tried to compose himself. But he heard his voice close to breaking. “Paul climbed the tower and rescued the Prince. Both of them climbing down and running back to Walford to face the King,”

“Did they live happily ever after?” Lexi’s words echoed those he’d spoken to Callum in bed the night before. They stung more than he would care to admit. 

“For a while,” he smiled sadly, the events around Paul’s death plagued his mind frequently. Although deep down he knew that the events of that fateful night weren’t his fault, he still felt some responsibility for Paul’s death. He held back tears as he tried to explain what happened to Paul without frightening his young daughter. “Paul was a brave Knight as well as a Prince. He was in a great battle and unfortunately lost. He died and went to heaven,”

“Like my guinea pig?” 

Ben chuckled at the naivety of his daughter. He wished that she would stay this age forever. “Yes like your guinea pig,” At the mention of Lexi’s late pet images of Abi’s guinea pig Marge filled Ben’s mind and a warm glow radiated through him. She may not have believed him, but he did once love Abi. She was another casualty of this story along with Paul. Mentioning her would only confuse Lexi so he chose not to.

“Daddy,” Lexi sighed impatiently “Carry on with the story,”

“Sorry baby,” Ben kissed her forehead softly “So Daddy or Prince Ben was very lonely again after Prince Paul died and thought about climbing back inside that Tower and hiding away from the world,” 

“What stopped the Prince?”

Ben’s smile reached his eyes this time “You,” 

Lexi turned in her father’s arms to get a better look at him “Me?”

“Yes you,” Ben grinned kissing her cheek and pulling her closer “You are the most important person in the world to me. You will always come first Lex, because I love you to the moon and back,”

Lexi shifted in his arms and kneeled up to face him, before wrapping her arms tightly around him for a proper hug. His fears for the future seemed less important right now. “I love you too daddy,”

The words made Ben’s heart sore. 

“Daddy,” Lexi began pulling back to look at him. Ben could see her pondering something “We need to find you a new Prince,”

Ben laughed, “Do we?”

She nodded confidently at him.

“Can you keep a secret?” Ben inquired. Lexi signalled her agreement enthusiastically “Daddy’s already found a handsome Prince. Right now though, he’s just locked in the tower,” 

Ben noticed Lexi’s lips form into a smile a mile wide; her eyes twinkled with what looked like mischief. He had seen it before; they were the same eyes as his own. “Then we have to go rescue him daddy!”


	4. Damsel in distress

Whitney! Whitney! Whitney! Whitney!

Even her stupid name grated on Ben’s lips.

He was so sick of everything being about her and her feelings. He had come to the realisation that Callum had no regard for his. He knew he didn’t hold the moral high ground in this particular situation, but the way Callum treated her like precious glass made Ben want to explode.

This was the first real fight that they had had since this thing between them had started. Ben couldn’t actually put ‘this thing’ into a specific category. Friends? Lovers? Soul mates? It was more complicated than that. Maybe that’s why their emotions had gotten the better of them the other night in the Arches. Callum had come looking for Ben after the younger man had threatened to turn up on his doorstep and explain to his ‘precious’ Whitney exactly why he was there. 

Ben wasn’t just angry. No he was fucking fuming! He had a whole night planned for him and Callum and one word from Whitney and the whole thing went up in smoke. He had the house to himself for once. Ian was away with Kathy and Bobby, much to the sullen teenagers delight and Lola and Lexi had joined Billy, Will and Janet in Margate for the bank holiday. For once everything had gone his way and there would be no fear of getting caught. He wanted the evening to be romantic, good food, wine and cuddling on the sofa. Sure if the evening ended with Ben screaming out Callum’s name over and over again, while getting a good seeing to even better. But it was about much more than that. All he wanted was to be put first for once, for Callum to think about his feelings, but they never seemed to matter.

Callum had expected Ben to be angry but not to the degree he was. He soon got the gist of how unhappy he was when a spanner came flying towards his head. That’s what really confirmed that Ben was pretty pissed with him.

“WHAT THE HELL BEN?” Callum yelled ducking just in time. The tool had been only millimetres from his head and made such a sound as it hit the wall that it resonated around the garage.

“I’M NOT EVEN WARMED UP YET!” he spat back, this time throwing a ratchet at him.

“You need to calm down,” Callum said holding his hands up trying to pacify the younger man.

“DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!” It didn’t look like Ben had any plans to calm down anytime soon, in fact he seemed to be getting angrier with every passing second.

“I’m so sorry I had to bail tonight,” Callum apologised, still holding his hands out in front of him like he was approaching an angry animal. “Whitney….”

“WHITNEY!” Ben raged; “I AM SO DAMN SICK OF EVERYTHING BEING ABOUT WHITNEY!”

Callum looked up at him sadly lost for words. He was right; he knew that she was at the forefront of everything. He so desperately wanted to protect her from how messed up he was, how messed up this situation was.

“I can’t do this anymore,” Ben, whispered feeling defeated. He didn’t want to give up on Callum but he didn’t know how much more he could take. There are only so many times you can be made to feel second best before you decide that it’s not worth it anymore.

When the realisation of Ben’s words finally hit him Callum rushed over to him cupping his face in his hands and crushing his lips firmly against Ben’s. There was urgency within Callum, desperate to show Ben what he meant to him. Breaking the kiss, Ben could see the fear in Callum’s eyes, he looked crushed. 

“Please,” Callum begged, “I love you, you know that,”

“Do I?” Ben asked disbelievingly “How can I believe that when you make me feel like I don’t matter,” Ben could feel tears slipping down his face “I am so far down your list, that I’m surprised I’m actually on it,” 

“I don’t want to hurt her,” Callum admitted sadly “She’s been through so much,”

Ben shook his head, desperately trying to keep his composure. He had lost it once today already and feared that if he did, the situation would spiral. Biting the inside of his lip he was trying to stop himself yelling again.

“Yet you’re happy to hurt me instead,” Ben responded beaten. 

“No,” Callum cried. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Ben. He was the only good thing in this crappy situation. Like the sun coming through the clouds during a rainstorm, he was the only light in a life full of darkness. Callum was stupid! He knew he was! He was so looking forward to tonight with Ben. As the hours slowly dragged, he had been on countdown for this evening. They had Ben’s house to themselves. It was an opportunity to be a proper couple for once, to be able to cuddle up on the sofa and watch crappy movies. Callum longed to be able to do something as simple and domesticated as this. He longed to wake up on a Sunday morning with Ben wrapped up in his arms. 

“You’re so scared of her shattering like glass, that you put her above our happiness,” Ben responded sadly.

“She’s been to hell and back Ben,” Callum sighed, “Every guy she’s ever been with has taken advantage of her or broken her heart,”

“Do you think she’s the only one that’s ever suffered?” Ben asked, keeping his voice low and controlled “We’ve all had traumatic things happen to us. My childhood wasn’t exactly the Walton’s and neither was yours,” 

Callum was aware of the type of childhood Ben had been exposed too; he had seen first hand the effects of being Phil Mitchells son had done to the boy.

One night when they had finally got away from Walford, under the pretence of Callum’s Army reunion they had spent an evening in a nice hotel over looking Westminster. The hotel was exquisite and they had a river view room overlooking the Thames and the Houses of Parliament. It had probably been the most romantic night of Callum’s life. There was champagne and strawberries and a large sunken bath that they both slipped into. Curled up on a king sized bed Callum had been awoken by the sound of crying from the figure beside him. Ben was frantic in his sleep, the nightmare taking hold of him as he screamed out, begging her to stop. 

“NO STELLA! NO!” Ben sat up bolt right shaking, desperately trying to control his breathing. His heart felt like it was beating right out of his chest. He felt like he was dying.

“Breathe Ben,” Callum soothed rubbing his back in a comforting circular motion “That’s it… in and out, in and out,” Slowly but surely Ben’s breathing returned to normal and eventually he was able to compose himself.

“Thank you,”

“What happened?” Callum asked concerned

“Nothing, just a bad dream” he tried to dismiss the conversation quickly.

“Nothing wouldn’t cause you to have a panic attack,” Callum pressed unconvinced “Who’s Stella?”

Ben paled instantly “What?” 

“You called out for Stella,” Callum confirmed. “Hey, what is it?” Callum noticed the fear in Ben’s eyes when he mention the mystery woman again “Talk to me,”

“Some things should be left in the past,” Ben responded again desperately trying to avoid the subject.

“You and me,” Callum started “I see you remember,”

Ben smiled at the sentiment and layback down, pulling Callum along with him and settling in his arms. Feeling safe in the taller man’s embrace Ben found himself opening up to him. He told him everything. Callum felt his silent tears fall as he listened to the man he loved describe Stella’s abuse, the burning, the scratching, the threatening to end his life. Callum hated this woman with all his being. If she hadn’t already been dead, Callum would have tracked her down himself. Once he had started Ben found that everything that had happened in the twenty-three years of his life came tumbling out like word vomit. He cried until he was exhausted, until the sobs wore him out. It was almost cathartic. Like barring his soul to Callum washed away the poison from his life. 

That’s why Callum’s justification for sparing Whit’s feeling didn’t wash with him.

“You have got to stop treating her like she’s some sort of damsel in distress Cal,” Ben muttered angrily “You can’t be her Knight in shinning armour. Especially when you’re shagging someone else,”

Callum didn’t respond, he just looked down at his feet. It reminded Ben of Lexi when she was told off for something and knew that the other person was right.

“I can’t and won’t do this anymore Cal,” Ben began determinedly “I won’t be your side piece anymore. Until you get off that white horse and stop trying to be everybody’s hero then we can’t see each other,”

It broke Ben’s heart as the words tumbled out. He instantly regretted them but knew there was no turning back now. He loved Callum with all his heart, maybe even more than he loved Paul. A thought that both terrified him and filled him with extreme guilt. Paul had been his everything, his entire world and the thought that he was replacing him was so gut wrenching. He knew Paul would want him to be happy elsewhere but he would also want him to realise that he was worth being someone’s first choice, not their second. Until Callum could give him what he wanted then he would have to cut all contact.

It had been three weeks since that argument in the arches and Ben had been trying to avoid Callum like the Plague. Every time Cal walked into a room, Ben walked out. Every time Callum rang, Ben ignored him and every time he turned up on his doorstep he shut it in his face.

He knew they couldn’t go on like this forever but until Callum made the decision to put Ben before Whitney he would have to stay out of his life.


	5. Hiding behind your armour

When Callum landed on Lee’s doorstep looking lost and in tears, the eldest Carter lad knew straight away it had something to do with Whitney. What he wasn’t expecting was that it had anything to do with Ben Mitchell.

“Ben?” Lee exclaimed “Ben Mitchell!” Lee shook his head in disbelief. He handed Callum a bottle of beer and sat down on the sofa next to him. 

Moments before, Callum hadn’t got more than a couple of feet through the door before everything came tumbling out. Collapsing in a heap, he was caught by his friend who just held him through his tears. He sobbed uncontrollably, the pain so acute that he almost forgot how to breathe.

“Talk to me,” Lee begged, “You’re scaring me Cal,” 

“I’ve lost him,” Callum wailed “I’ve lost him and I love him so much,”

“Who Cal?” Lee’s mind was racing with a hundred questions. He knew this day would come. That at some point the wall that his friend had built up around his feelings would come crumbling down around him.

“Ben,” his voice broke “I’ve lost him, he doesn’t love me anymore,” 

For Lee it clicked into place pretty quickly after that. “Ben Mitchell? You’ve been having an affair with Ben Mitchell?” Lee asked as a matter of fact. There was no judgement there, no disgust, and no accusations. 

Callum nodded solemnly “You don’t sound surprised,”

“In all honesty I’m not, the affair I mean. The Ben Mitchell thing, well I didn’t see that coming” Lee smiled sadly wrapping an arm around his best friend and pulling him in against his shoulder. 

“But you saw the rest?” Callum enquired. 

“Of course Cal,” Lee answered honestly “It was only a matter of time before something like this happened. You can’t and more importantly shouldn’t hide who you are. You’re a good person Cal,”

“I don’t think Whit would see it like that,” he laughed darkly. 

“Does she know?

Callum shook his head. He had rehearsed his coming out speech a million times in his head but that didn’t bring him any closer to disclosing the actual truth.

“So what’s actually happened for you to head over to my gaff and have a kitchen floor reset?”

“He ended it,” Callum began “Told me that until I could put him first that we couldn’t be around each other. He’s ignoring my calls and texts for weeks now and I can’t bare it anymore. He closes the door on me when I visit. He’s even gone as far as walking out of a room when I come in,” he finished glumly. 

Lee squeezed Callum’s shoulder in support. He didn’t really know what to say. If Cal wasn’t ready to accept who he really was then he couldn’t really blame Ben for stepping back.

“Would it be so bad if it came out. What are you so afraid of Cal?” Lee probed gently “What happened to that brave boy who kissed me all those years ago?”

“He had Jonno Highway as a father,” Callum answered bitterly looking up at Lee with watery eyes. Images of his father and his traumatic childhood invaded his thoughts. “I’ll never be free of him will I?”

“Yes you will,” Lee insisted “But you’ve got to be the one to stand up and change things. You can’t be that frightened little boy anymore. You don’t need to hide behind this armour that you’ve built up,”

“I can’t do this alone,” Callum sobbed. “How do I face Whitney? How do I face everybody?” 

“With pride,” Lee answered firmly clasping Callum’s hands in his own. Callum rolled his eyes at him and smiled through his tears. “Once you’ve told Whitney it will get easier I promise,”

“I’m going to break her heart,” 

“Believe me, you’re not the first,” Lee motioned to himself dramatically “It’ll hurt but she’s tougher than you think. And she wouldn’t want you or her to live a lie,” Off Callum’s tearful nod Lee stood up pulling Callum with him. “Get your head down here tonight, things will seem clearer in the morning,” Callum was about to protest but Lee led him into the bedroom and over to the bed. Reaching into his bottom door and pulling out an oversized t-shirt he handed it over to Callum.

“Strip!” 

“Excuse me?” Callum exclaimed confusion evident on his face.

“Relax!” Lee laughed, “I’m not trying to get in ya Kecks. You just can’t sleep in that suit,” Callum nodded removing his clothes with a yawn. He was desperately trying to fight off the urge to sleep. Crying had made him tired and he really should head home but he didn’t want to leave. He felt safe here, no pretending to be someone he was not. Here he didn’t have to try and please anyone. Lee would look after him like he always did. He wasn’t just his best friend; he was the brother he wished he’d had. Stripped down to his boxers he pulled Lee’s t-shirt over his head and disappeared under the covers. 

“I’ll be in later, try and get some sleep,” Lee disappeared back into the living room leaving Callum alone with his thoughts. Everything was such a mess and he knew Lee was right; he had built up this suit of armour to protect himself from the outside world, from his father. He figured that if he pretended to be straight and stayed quiet about his feelings then he’d be safe.

Safe from peoples whispers and gazes, safe from the name-calling and safe from his father. He felt pathetic! A grown man terrified of his father. Closing his eyes the tears began to fall at the memories of the violent drunken nights courtesy of Jonno, that plagued his childhood. How do you erase Twenty- Eight years of fear, a lifetime suffering in the shadows? It was learnt behaviour; Callum knew that these feelings had become almost a reflex. He thought of Ben as he drifted off to sleep. He wished he could be as brave as him and tell the world to fuck off. That’s what Ben would have done. Ben was out and proud and Callum could only dream of being that comfortable in his own skin.

Lee watched Callum from the doorway waiting for sleep to overtake him. He smiled sadly at his friend; he hated seeing him in so much pain. Callum had always tried to hide his feelings from the world. Even as a kid he would push them down, he had become good at disguising his pain and anguish from most people. But never from Lee, he could always tell when something or someone had upset Callum. Lee had spent half of his life fighting Callum’s battles for him. Whether it was standing up to the bullies at school or hiding him in his room whenever he ran away from home after one of Jonno’s drunken rages, Lee would always protect his best friend. He rummaged around in the jacket pocket of Callum’s suit in search of the reason he had swiped the taller mans clothes when he had gotten the opportunity. Smiling to himself he pulled out Callum’s phone and made an educated guess at the pin. The screen lit up confirming that he was correct. Halfway was so predictable, of course he would se his pin to the last four digits of his service number. Scrolling through the contacts his finger paused over a particular name. Halfway would hate him for this, but this had gone on for long enough. 

The phone rang for several seconds before it was picked up, the voice on the other end clearly surprised at receiving the call at such a late hour.

“Mitchell! It’s Lee Carter,” sighing Lee pinched the bridge of his nose. “I need to see you!” 

Callum was definitely going to kill him for this.


	6. I'm under your spell!

Lee had been sitting in the café opposite his flat waiting for Ben at least forty-five minutes. Trust Ben Mitchell to keep him waiting, he had never been a fan of Phil’s son. They had come to blows a couple of times while both living on the square. The first punch up was a result of Ben’s homophobic comments towards Johnny. Of course now Lee understood that it was Ben’s fear of being gay that drove him to verbally attack Johnny, who was comfortable with his sexuality when he was not. He could see similarities between Callum and Ben so clearly. Both come from broken, damaged homes, both lumbered with useless ignorant destructive fathers. No wonder they both struggled accepting who they really are.

The second was as a result of Lee getting a dose of Chlamydia from Ben’s girlfriend Abi, who subsequently got it off Ben while he was sleeping around. God he wished he hadn’t got himself mixed up in their car crash of a relationship. He had been an idiot sleeping with Abi; it marked the beginning of the end for him and Whitney. She had been the love of his life, probably always would be. He hated the idea of her being put through more pain, but he also hated the idea of Callum living a lie.

He spotted Ben as soon as he came through the door. Lee rolled his eyes, cocky little shit with his trademark swagger. He really did love himself! 

“Well this is a surprise!” Ben smirked pulling Lee from his thoughts. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” Ben stretched out the last word emphasizing the innuendo. 

“I needed to talk to you about something important,” Lee answered ignoring his comment.

“Let me guess,” Ben replied mockingly “You’ve always had a massive crush on me and now you just need to give into the passion you feel,”

Lee smirked, shaking his head slowly amazed at the amount of confidence Ben possessed. He wished that Callum had a tenth of it and then maybe he wouldn’t be so scared of who he was.

“Ben I can assure you that the only gay man I’m currently interested in is Callum,” Lee smirked.

Ben’s head shot up! 

“That caught your attention I see,”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Ben answered casually.

Lee rolled his eyes “You might think you’re a good liar Ben but you really aren’t. Besides I’ve known about Callum’s sexuality since we were kids,”

“How?”

“Well,” Lee began “You get an feeling your best mates gay, when he kisses you,” 

“Whaa,” Ben’s eyes widened in surprise “When?”

“Oh long time a go,” Lee dismissed “I think we were about fourteen. Just after Nancy tried to break his nose for breaking her heart,”

“Full of surprises ain’t he,” Ben smiled shaking his head “So you and he?”

“What?” Lee laughed “No. I’m straight and always have been. It was one little kiss a hundred years ago,”

“Well as interesting as this is. Any particular reason why you feel the need to call me across town for this little nugget of information?”

Lee exhaled loudly feeling frustrated “Well…” he began, his tone a little harsher than he had meant “My best mate rocked up at my flat sobbing his heart out two hours ago, telling me that he’d lost the man he loved. So I figured that I’d call said man up, tell him to get his arse down here and hopefully he can fix this mess”

“Me!” Ben snapped, “I need to fix this? He’s the one who won’t leave Whitney. He’s the one who wants to keep me his dirty little secret,”

“He’s scared Ben!” Lee threw his hands up in frustration “You’ve been there. You know what its like. Terrified that everyone will be judging you,”

“I Know…”

“He spent his whole childhood being told that being gay was dirty and wrong,” he answered sadly “That… sniverling excuse of a father he has spent years crushing the life out of him. Sometimes…” 

Lee looked up at Ben with sad eyes “Sometimes,” he began again, the words catching in his throat “I look at him and I still see that frightened and confused little boy,”

Ben ran his hand through his hair and sighed “What do I do Lee? I love him but I don’t think I can spend my life waiting in the wings while he lives a lie,”

“Like Paul did for you,” Lee regretted his choice of words as soon as he had said them. He watched Ben’s face fall and darken. “Ben I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I meant that you had someone who was willing to put his happiness on hold while you worked your shit out. Maybe Callum needs the same understanding,”

Ben nodded knowing that Lee was right. He didn’t want to wait, he wanted Callum all to himself but could he really live in the shadows. “What if I’m not as good as Paul,” he answered sadly “It’s killing me Lee. Yes I knew what I was getting into sleeping with a taken man but it was only supposed to be casual, a bit of fun. I wasn’t supposed to bloody fall for him,”

“Soft Ben Mitchell,” Lee smirked “Who’d have thought it?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Ben grumbled, “Being soft isn’t going to pull Callum out of Narnia is it?”

Trust Ben Mitchell to make everything into a one liner, Lee thought. “No…” the Carter lad answered rolling his eyes “But support and understanding might help,” Giving Ben a pointed look he sighed “Come back to my flat, Cal’s there,”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Ben answered cautiously. 

If Ben was being honest, every part of him desperately wanted to see Callum. The minute he had told Cal that he was stepping back he regretted it. Callum didn’t know that for the first couple of days Ben had just hauled himself up in his bedroom and cried himself to sleep. Every part of him ached for the youngest Highway lad, both emotionally and physically. He missed seeing Callum’s bright eyes and blushing smile everyday. He missed watching the big dope awkwardly bumbling through life with that constant smile on his face. 

He missed Callum’s touch, the feel of his fingers trailing down his skin. The older man had often littered Ben’s body with soft chase kisses, teasing him, making him want more. He remembered the first time they made love. It was in Ben’s bedroom at the Beale house. His room had been messy and they had had to be quiet as Ian and Kathy had been in the house but it was perfect. Skin against skin, moving together chasing that ultimate high. Ben smiled softly as the memories of Callum taking him for the first time, how he made him ache. The memory of pure ecstasy written on Callum’s face as he came would keep Ben warm forever. 

The very few times they had actually been able to savour their meetings rather than grab a few minutes fumbling in an alley or the Vic toilets, Ben had been content just lying in Callum’s arms afterwards. The world and its problems seemed to disappear when all he could hear was the soft beating of Callum’s heart as he lay upon his chest. Callum had this hold over Ben that he didn’t want to admit; he’d taken both his heart and soul. 

Callum Highway had bewitched him!

“Please don’t give up on him Ben,” Lee’s words pulled Ben abruptly from his thoughts.

“I won’t,” Ben answered barely above a whisper “Even if I wanted to I’m in too deep to be without him,”

Lee smiled fondly at him “Come on then,” he announced getting up from his chair and motioning for Ben to follow “Lets go and sort your man out,” 

Rolling his eyes Ben followed obediently, butterflies dancing in his stomach, desperately wanting to see Callum again. He didn’t know what he was going say to Cal, but he wanted to make it right. He wanted to tell him how sorry he was, that he hadn’t meant to end it. He was just sick of being the Callum’s second choice. It was hard watching the man he loved planning his future with someone else, even if that future was fake. He had tried to take his mind off it with Grinder hook ups, but when it came to the matches making contact, he would clam up and ignore them. He got as far as arranging to meet up with one guy and bailed at the last minute. He felt like it would be cheating on Callum if got off with anyone. He laughed at the irony of it.

He stood at the door to Lee’s bedroom watching the man he loved sleep, his chest raising and falling at a steady pace. Callum looked so young, the normal tortured soul missing from his features and in its place a peacefulness that Ben was sure he hadn’t ever seen from Callum.

“I’ll be back first thing,” Lee interrupted his thoughts 

“Huh?”

“You and Cal need some time so I’m going to crash at a mates, ”

“Lee you don’t have to do that. I feel like were chucking you out of your own flat,”

Lee patted him on the shoulder “It’s fine really, just don’t leave without me,”

“You’re coming back to Walford?” Ben asked surprised.

“Yeah just for a bit,” Lee smiled “Cal’s going to need as many friendly faces as possible around him when everything comes out,”

Ben smiled “You’re a good friend,”

“I’ve been helping him fright his battles since we were small and I don’t intend to stop anytime soon,” He squeezed Ben’s shoulder and headed towards the front door “Ben do us a favour,”

“Anything,”

“If you shag in my bed you change the sheets ok,” Lee shot him a cheeky grin making Ben laugh loudly.

Ben watched him leave and made his way to the bedroom, he felt his heart swell looking at Callum. He looked almost serene asleep in Lee’s bed that Ben nearly didn’t have the heart to wake him. But the need to touch Callum, the need to show him that he wasn’t ready to give up on him yet was too strong. Striping to his boxers he slipped in beside the taller man. Callum was facing him and Ben could see the tear tracks down his face and his heart broke. He was the cause of this and it killed him.

Placing his hand on Callum’s face he trailed his thumb across the dried tears and placed a chase kiss upon his lips. He felt him stir but not enough to wake. Ben leant over and began placing soft kisses down his neck and shoulder. This earned a soft pleasurable moan as Callum he woke from his slumber. 

Blurry eyed, Callum rubbed away the sleep and tried to focus on the figure next to him.

“Be…” He never got to finish as Ben captured his lips in a passionate kiss. 

Callum had missed the feel of Ben’s lips and for a moment assumed that he was still asleep, possibly dreaming of a happier time with the man he loved. Ben broke the kiss gently and smiled at him.

“Am I dreaming?” Callum asked still a little groggy.

“Lee called me,” Ben began “Turns out he’s on team Ben,” he chuckled flashing that cute smile that could make Callum’s heart flutter.

“I’m sorry,” Callum apologised, his face downcast “I’ve put you through so much,”

“No I’m the one who’s sorry,” Ben, admitted, “I’ve been there, I should have been more understanding. It’s just…” he stroked away a stray hair from Callum’s eyes “…I love you so much and I’m scared that one day you are going to wake up and realise that your happier with Whitney and then I’ll lose you forever,”

Callum shook his head violently “No, it’s you that I want. I will tell her I promise, when we get home. It’s going to be hard and I’ll hurt her so much…” he looked at Ben sadly, the guilt he felt for the pain he knew he was going to cause Whitney weighed heavy on him. “….but I will do it,” His eyes held a conviction that helped satisfy Ben’s doubts.

“And I’ll be there to support you afterward,” Ben assured him 

“No one would blame you if you’d had enough of me. Decided I wasn’t worth the hassle,” Ben’s earlier words stung both of them and held as a reminder of the pain that he already been caused.

“I’m afraid you’re stuck with me Halfway,” Ben’s smile reaching his eyes. He snuggled closer to Callum warming his body against his “You’ve got me well and truly under your spell,”

Callum laughed at Ben’s words, it was the first time in forever he had actually laughed. “I’ve missed you,” he responded earnestly.

“Me…. too…. baby,” he whispered between kisses. His hands began travelling south and Callum seized his hips pulling Ben over and on top of him and he rolled fully onto his back.

“Cal…” Ben moaned as he felt Callum’s hand venture into his boxers and stroke down the length of him. “Any idea where Lee keeps his spare sheets?

“What?” Callum laughed bemused with such a question at this particular time.

“I’m under strict instructions to change them after I have my wicked way with you,” Ben grinned

“And here was me thinking I was the one putting you under a spell,” Callum winked cheekily rolling Ben over onto his back before disappearing under the duvet.


	7. The Brave Prince

Ben awoke to the feel of soft kisses trailing down the left side of his neck and littering his shoulder. He was lying on his side with Callum spooning him. Stirring with a gentle moan he could feel Callum’s arousal pressing against him. 

Smiling sleepily he moved into Callum’s touch “Someone’s woken up happy,” he remarked turning in his arms. Callum placed a gentle kiss on his nose and Ben could see the love reflected in his eyes. For the first time since they began this almost relationship Ben felt secure. He had spent so long unsure of Callum’s feelings. Sure he had told him that he loved him but every time he had put Whitney first he had doubted it. The first time he had said it had been so unexpected. Ben had woken from a nightmare that had shook him to his very core. It had been about Stella, he dreamt that she hadn’t died and the abuse had carried on. Memories that had damaged him plagued his sleep and he had woken up screaming. Callum had shushed him, holding him close rubbing circles up and down his back trying to help sooth his sobs. It all came tumbling out like word vomit; as soon as he started Ben couldn’t stop. Losing his mom so young, Stella’s reign of terror over her him, killing Heather, being beaten in prison, coming out, discovering Kathy was still alive and losing Paul in such a cruel way, nothing was left unsaid.

Callum had kissed away every tear, before whispering, “I love you Ben Mitchell,” into the darkness. 

“Ben,” Callum distracted his thoughts by moving over his body trailing his fingertips down his chest and stomach heading down towards his prize.

“Cal,” Ben gasped feeling the older man take him in his hand. Callum went back to kissing his neck while circling his thumb around the head of Ben’s cock feeling his arousal on his fingers. Biting down on his neck cited a “Fuck yes! Cal!” from Ben as he thrust up into Callum’s palm. Ben was aching for release; desperately wanting Callum to show him how much he wanted him.

Ben groaned at the loss of Callum’s mouth against his neck, but he was soon rewarded with Callum’s lips joining his hand around his cock. “Oh god! Please, Callum, yes!” Gripping Callum’s hair between his fingers he moved with the sensations until he could feel himself coming closer and closer to the stars. The blinding white light hit the back of his eyes as the stars burst into some sort of supernova, wrapping his legs tighter around Callum’s head and riding through the wave until it slowed to a stop.

Sated and exhausted Ben pulled Callum into his arms and settled back down on the bed. “I want my happy ever after Callum,” he whispered into his hair “And I think that’s what you want too,”

Callum looked up at him with watery eyes “More than anything,” he choked trying to keep his voice controlled but his emotions getting the better of him. “I’m scared Ben,” he added sadly “All my life I’ve been made to feel like I’m worthless, like I’m weak but I don’t want to feel like that anymore. I feel like I’m in my own prison, very much wanting to be free,”

“Locked in the tower,” Ben said more to himself than Callum but at the larger man’s confusion he knew he needed to elaborate further.

“I tried to explain my sexuality to Lexi in the most simplest terms. I told her that her daddy was a prince that didn’t want to meet a princess because he had fallen in love with another prince. But he had had to wait for the other prince to rescue him from the tower he’d locked himself in,”

Callum seemed to follow his train of thought “I take it that the tower is a metaphor for being closeted?” 

Ben laughed, “You catch on quick,” wrapping his arms around Callum’s neck he pulled him down for a quick kiss “Good job it’s not just your brain I’m after,” 

Callum just rolled his eyes “So how did the story end sarkey arse?”

“The Prince stopped hiding in the tower,” he smiled softly “I told Lexi I’ve met another handsome prince but now he’s locked in the tower,”

Callum smiled at the thought of Ben with his daughter. He had recently spent some time in Lexi’s company and had loved every minute of it. She was a smart precious young lady who could match her father’s whit and mischievous behaviour. “What did she say?” he asked.

“She told me that we needed to rescue him,” he grinned “So how about it Halfway? You fancy being rescued?” he teased.

Callum nodded grinning ear to ear. He needed to do this, telling Whitney was going to be hard but if he ever wanted a life with Ben he would have to face her. “I wish I could have you with me when I tell her,”

“I can be there if you want me to be,”

Callum shook his head “No I best do this alone, I need to face her myself. Besides when I tell her we’ve been having an affair, she’s likely to want to rip your head off so it’s best you’re not in the vicinity,”

Ben nodded knowingly “I just don’t want you going through this alone;”

“I won’t be,’ he smiled “You’re the first person I’ll be calling afterwards. Then I suppose I’ll have to start telling people,”

“What are you going to say?” Ben asked cautiously. It had crossed his mind that Callum may just tell people that the relationship had naturally broken down.

“That I’m gay!” The realisation of how easily the words fell from his mouth gave Callum a sense of ease. It was going to be a hard couple of months ahead but he was finally accepting who he was.  
Ben brushed away a strand of hair from Callum’s eyes and smiled at him through watery eyes “I’m so proud of you baby. I can’t wait until the day I can tell the world your mine,”

Lee’s voice called loudly from the other room spoiling the touching moment somewhat “You two ain’t shagging in there are you? I want to come in but I don’t want to be scarred for life by seeing Cal’s bare arse!”

“Nah your good,” Ben laughed, “You’ve turned up too late to the party,”

Lee cautiously opened the door and when satisfied that he wasn’t going to see anything below the waist on show made his way into the room. “Soooo,” he began nervously “How much trouble am I in for calling Ben then?”

“None,” Callum grinned at him “I should be thanking you,” 

Lee smiled broadly “I’m just glad to see you happy. So what time shall we head back to Walford?”

“You’re coming home?” Callum asked surprised 

“Of course I am,” Lee responded “You’re gonna need your mates around you. Besides mom’s always moaning that I never visit so now’s the perfect opportunity,”

The sound of Callum’s phone ringing stopped their conversation, forgetting where he was and who he was with he scrambled out of bed in search of it.

“JESUS CAL!” Lee complained slapping his hand over this eyes dramatically “I did not need to see that,” 

“Sorry, sorry,” he apologised frantically looking for his mobile “Where the hell is it?”

“Here,” Lee pulled the thing out of his jacket pocket and handed it in the direction of Callum, hand still tightly plastered over his eyes.

“Why do you have my phone?” Callum asked taking it off him just in time to hear the ringing stop.

“How else do you think I got Ben’s number?” Lee admitted, “I guessed your pin would have something to do with your service number and managed to get in. Look are you still standing there bollock naked cause I really want to remove my hand,”

Ben just sat back admiring the scene giggling at the two men in front of him. It reminded him of the relationship he has with Jay. He felt Callum get back under the covers next to him “Fine I’m covered up again,”

“Thank god,” Lee opened his fingers checking that Callum was telling the truth before removing his hand completely.

“I’ve got a dozen missed calls and messages off Whit here,” Callum complained “I’m for it when I get back,”

“Mate your for it the minute you tell her that you’ve both got the same taste in men,” Lee deadpanned.

“True,” Callum acknowledged glumly “You could have answered it though,”

“And said what?” Lee mocked “Hi Whit, no it’s not Callum, it’s Lee your ex husband. How you been? Me well I’m currently trying to stop your fiancé from having a big gay crisis!” 

“He’s got a point Cal,” Ben agreed “Currently he’s the last person she probably wants to speak to,”

“And tomorrow it will be you and I won’t seem so bad,” Lee laughed trying to lighten the mood.

“Oh god!” Callum groaned putting his head in his hands and shaking it.

“It’ll be ok babe,” Ben answered sincerely placing his hand on his shoulder “If your not ready then I understand,”

Looking up at Ben, Callum grabbed both of his hands in his and gently brought them up to his lips “No,” he began, conviction in his words “It’s time I was brave,”


	8. Mirror mirror

Arriving back in Walford all three of them had a particular feeling of dread. For Lee it was the feeling of going backwards not forwards. There were so many painful memories here in Walford and he wasn’t sure he was ready to face them. 

Ben dreaded the fall out of Callum’s upcoming admission to Whitney. He was prepared for the dirty looks, the accusations and blame being laid directly at his door, but it didn’t make it easier.

They both bit back their nerves, silently acknowledging with each other that they were here for Callum and that was more important than the impending dread that they were feeling. 

Callum himself felt like he was drowning in a river of the stuff. Dread was the undercurrent pulling him further and further down until he was struggling to breathe. Hope was the only life raft that he was able to cling to, stopping him from submitting to the darkness. Admitting to himself and Ben that he was gay had given him a newfound confidence. Saying the words out loud felt like freedom.

“You ok babe?” Ben asked gently placing a hand on Callum’s back.

“Yeah,” he swallowed, the words getting stuck in his throat “Just dreading this conversation I’ve got to go and have with Whitney,” Turning he looked sadly at both men for answers “I mean how do I start that conversation?”

“Well you tell her that you think Tom Hardy’s fit and see where you go from there,” Lee joked “Although even I think he’s fit and I’m straight so I don’t think that’ll work,”

Callum rolled his eyes “Something constructive please Lee,”

“Sorry,” he answered momentarily looking down at his feet “Do you want one of us with you?”

Callum threw him an appreciative smile “Thanks but I need to do this alone. Probably best not have either my boyfriend or her ex husband there when I do,”

“Boyfriend?” Ben questioned, grin forming across his face.

“Yeah,” Callum smiled back lovingly “My boyf…”

“CALLUM!” 

Turning quickly Callum greeted Whitney hesitantly. “Where have you been I was worried sick? Did something happen? It’s not like you to not answer my call?”

‘Blimey!’ Ben thought, ‘No wonder Cal’s finding it so hard to come out. Can’t get a word in edgeways,’ 

“I…” Callum stuttered, “Listen Whit can we…”

“LEE!” Whitney cut in accusingly “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Hello Whitney,” Lee smiled sweetly “ It’s lovely to see you too,”

Whitney looked him up and down disgusted “You didn’t answer my question?”

“I’m catching up with family and friends,” he answered plainly.

“Well as lovely as this catch up is I have to go to work,” she replied bitterly. Giving Callum a pointed look she continued, “We will talk later,”

“Whit wait,” Callum called after her before sighing. This was going to be harder than he thought. “I can’t even get her to stand still for two minutes, how the hell am I going to get her to sit down so we can have the hardest conversation of my life?

Lee gave Ben a knowing look before squeezing Callum’s shoulder in sympathy “You’ll have to make her listen Cal. You’re stronger than you think,”

“I really don’t feel it,” he sighed rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands with frustration.

“Come on let’s go for breakfast,” Ben suggested, “I don’t know about you two but I’m starving,”

The café was usually quiet for a Saturday morning but Callum felt like he was suffocating.

“Just start with Whitney I like cock!” Lee laughed trying to lighten the mood. Off Callum’s scowl Lee commented “Too much maybe?”

“Ya think,” Callum shot back rolling his eyes.

“I’ve got a few copies of Gay Times and Attitude magazine at home,” Ben offered sniggering “Just slip them in with Ideal Home and Cosmopolitan and she’ll get the message,” 

“Oh don’t you start and all,” Callum moaned, there was no heat behind his words, just exasperation. He was dreading having to sit down with her tonight, the fear of how she would react had been churning his stomach all morning. Being brought up in a home full of conflict he did his very best to steer clear of it now. Everyone saw him as good, old, quiet Callum, so mild mannered, so easy to bend to you’re will. He knew people thought he was a pushover and maybe he was but that was only because his home life had felt like a battlefield for so long.

“Whitney seemed pleased to see you Lee,” Ben smirked.

“See I think she was holding back on how much she’s missed me,” Lee quipped.

Callum rolled his eyes at both of them before rising “Don’t worry Lee,” Callum patted his shoulder briefly “You’re about to lose your place as worst boyfriend ever,”

“Where are you going?” Ben asked concerned. 

Moving from the table to stand in front of Ben he took one of is hands from the table and squeezed it gently. “I just need to get my head straight and figure out what I’m going to say to her,”

Callum could see the doubt in Ben’s eyes; he knew that the younger man feared that when it came down to it he would chicken out of telling her. “I’ll call you later,” he smiled affectionately at Ben “I love you so much,” With one last squeeze of his fingers Callum headed out onto the square.

*************************

Callum had a beauty that he never saw in himself. Ben had told him many times how breathtaking he was, but he’d never believed it. Every part of Callum was remarkable. From his big ears, to his dopey grin, to those piercing blue eyes there wasn’t a part of Callum that wasn’t perfect.

Fixed on his reflection in the mirror Callum looked at the man that stared back at him. He had spent so long hiding from that reflection, wearing a mask to avoid the person he really was. He wished he had a magic mirror where he could look at himself and be so self-assured

He wanted to squash down those fears that plagued him. He had spent so long listening to that little voice in his head telling him he was worthless, that he didn’t matter, that he had started to believe it. He couldn’t understand how someone like Ben could love him. Ben was so confident, so full of life. Perfect really! 

He knew that he needed to find the confidence to believe in himself, to be the man he wanted to be. Not the man he thought everyone else expected.

Plucking up the courage to face the man staring back at him in the mirror, he knew that if he didn’t face his demons now he never would. He had a choice, stay quiet and live a very lonely life. Or be brave, face his fears and live the life he wanted, be the man he wanted to be and be with the man he wanted to be with. A future with Ben was worth a small amount of pain, he didn’t want to hurt Whitney but hurting Ben was worse.

The man behind the mirror heard him clearly as he repeated his earlier words to Ben once more.

“I’m gay!” he whispered.

“I’m gay!” he repeated louder sounding surer of himself.

The reflection in the mirror grew more confident and Callum smiled. The words felt so natural and he no longer felt ashamed.

“I’M GAY!” he shouted with conviction.

“YOU’RE WHAT?”

Whipping his head around quickly in shock he paled at the heartbroken look on Whitney’s face.


	9. The broken looking glass

Being in a relationship was something that Callum had never really been comfortable with. In fact sometimes it felt like he had stepped through the looking glass. 

Growing up with his parents as a shinning example of a loving relationship he never really knew how to have a functioning one. When he first started dating Whitney it felt new and very strange. That feeling had never really left him and until now he had never truly known why. He had put it down to, never really being confident around people, always feeling like the odd one out. Now the real reason slotted into place and the realisation that it wasn’t the situation yet the person that wasn’t right.

It wasn’t Whitney’s fault, she was amazing, smart, funny and beautiful, she was everything a man should want in a woman. If you wanted a woman, that is. Callum loved her; he just wasn’t in love with her! 

He still hadn’t answered her. She stood in front of him looking crushed. “You’re gay?” she questioned. He could see the cogs turning in her head as the realisation hit her, and all he could do was nod in confirmation. Slowly she turned back towards the living room and made her way over to the sofa. Sitting down, shell shocked Whitney was finding it hard to process. In a split second she saw her future dissolve before her eyes. 

“Whit?” Callum questioned. She could see the concern etched upon his face. “I’m so sorry,” She nodded slowly acknowledging that he was, this was her Callum after all. He wouldn’t ever intentionally hurt her, yet still he had. 

“Why?” was all she could ask?

“Why what?” Callum responded with his own question.

“Why date me? Why propose?” she could feel her voice break “When our relationship is nothing more than a lie,” Her hands went to her face as she began to sob uncontrollably. She sobbed for the future she could no longer see. She sobbed for the man she thought existed but never actually did. Most importantly she sobbed for the loss of her best friend.

Callum was by her side in an instant “Because I love you,” Whit gave him a disbelieving look at that. “Whit, you’re the most amazing girl I’ve ever met. Smart, funny and stop your heart beautiful. I wanted so desperately to have a future with you. I couldn’t see my life with anyone else….”

Whitney felt him trail off “Until now?” She asked.

Eyes firmly fixed on the floor Callum made no move to deny or confirm her question. Time ticked by slowly for both of them before finally Whitney bravely asked. “Have you met someone?” Her voice was calm “You’ve met someone haven’t you? A Guy?”

“I’m so sorry Whit,” Tears began to fall quickly as Callum could no longer hold back a sob “You are everything to me, you’re my best friend,”

“That doesn’t mean that we should have been together, should have gotten engaged” Whitney shook her head “I was just someone for you to hide behind weren’t I?”

“No!” Callum cried hurt that she could even think that. “I thought I…”

“Thought what Callum?” Whitney demanded “Thought you loved me? Thought you wanted to plan a future with me?” Rising quickly she began pacing “How did I not see it?” laughing bitterly she shook her head “I mean our relationship has never been what you call passionate has it?”

“Please Whit.” 

“Please what?” she cried, “Please don’t be angry? Please don’t be devastated that the man I love doesn’t actually love me?” Callum watched as her heart broke and she sunk to the floor, sliding down the nearest wall, her body shaking. Callum scooted over to her pulling her into his arms as her cries got louder. Initially she tried to fright him, pulling away, her fists aimlessly half-heartedly beating at his chest. The fight left her and all she was left with was the agony rushing through her body. Her future smashed into pieces as she herself finally realised that the life she had built with Callum would have only ever been half a life. She was Alice and she had finally stepped back from inside the looking glass to a future unknown.

Callum cried along with her, cradling her like a child trying to sooth her. “I never wanted to hurt you Whit,” he whispered into her hair “You are perfect and I love you, but…”

Whit pulled away, wiping away her tears before looking up at him sadly “But your gay,” she whispered removing herself from his arms “I’m so sorry,” She stayed sitting next to him, both of them facing forward pressed against the wall.

Callum turned his head and looked at her confused “What are you sorry for?” 

“That you have been hiding whom you are for so long,” she answered earnestly “You are amazing Callum Highway! You should never have had to hide any part of yourself from anyone,”

“I’m not amazing,” he whispered looking down at the floor “I’ve…I’ve…” the words became stuck in his throat.

“…Been cheating on me?” It came out as a question but Whitney had meant it more as a statement.

Callum nodded ashamed “I’m so…”

“Sorry?” Whitney asked, purposely finishing his sentence “You keep saying that,”

“You must hate me?” Callum assumed sadly. Whitney could see the pain etched on his face.

“It would make things much simpler if I did,” she stated as a matter of fact “Unfortunately I love you more than I could ever hate you,”

Callum looked up at her with hope. He wasn’t quite sure what he was hoping for, but something positive was definitely there. 

“I don’t hate you and I don’t want to know who it is. Not yet anyway,” she offered “I’m hurting and confused and at a loss at what to do,” she turned her body towards him and cupped his face with her hands. She began to smooth away the tears falling from his face “Something tells me that you’ve been feeling the same for a long time,” she smiled sadly at him making reference to the inner turmoil he had been feeling for so long. “I love you too much to watch you hurt like this,”

“Why aren’t you angry?” As soon as the words left Callum’s mouth he instantly regretted them. He watched Whit’s features darken for a second before she regained her composure.

“I am angry!” her voice was controlled but full of pain “Would you prefer it if I screamed at you? Threw a few plates at your head? Chucked your clothes out the window?” she shook her head briefly before rising.

Callum followed and reached out for her. She moved away from his grasp “I should go,” she whispered

“Whit,” he reached for her again and she held up her hand to stop him.

“No Callum,” she responded, “If you hold me, I’ll break and I can’t do that,”

He nodded sadly and she noticed the beautiful blue eyes she had fallen in love with were darker than normal with all the crying he had done. The thought of not seeing those bright eyes everyday was going to kill her, but she needed to stay strong,” she headed towards the front door and out of his life.

“ What are we going to tell people?” he enquired apprehensively.

“What do you want to tell them?” she asked softly “Are you ready to come out?”

He nodded, smiling for the first time since this morning “I think so, but I don’t want to cause you anymore pain,”

Smiling at him, Whitney laughed, “Callum, this really isn’t about me,” she began “If you’re ready to come out then it’s time to come out. Don’t worry about me, I’ve been through worse,” 

Then she was gone before he had chance to answer. Callum had just had the hardest conversation of his life. The confidence began to return to him, now he could face anything thrown at him. It was time to stop trying to pick up the broken pieces of the looking glass and give up trying to put them back together. Now was the time to step back into reality and embrace it with both hands.


	10. Knight in shinning overalls

Ben and Lee had spent most of the morning discussing the potential fall out from Callum’s planned confession. Both gentlemen had their concerns about how Halfway would react once he had uttered the words “I’m Gay!” to Whitney.

If truth be told Whitney’s upcoming reaction is what concerned Ben the most right now. If Callum found the strength to disclose who he really was to Whitney it was going to blow her world apart. However Ben knew that if he carried on living a lie much longer then it would be both his and Callum’s lives that would be ruined. 

“Ben for the love of god stop pacing,” Lee moaned “You’re driving me crazy,” The young Mitchell had been wearing a hole in Ian’s carpet since he’d brought Lee back here hours ago. Lee hadn’t been ready to face everyone on the square just yet so had decided that he’d lay low at Ben’s for a while. 

“What if he bottles it Lee?’ Ben stressed “I can’t bare the thought of him going home to her tonight,” Lee gave him a sympathetic look. Ben might come across as the tough guy who didn’t care about anyone but himself, but Lee quickly recognised that it was just a front. Ben quite clearly loved Callum and the idea of losing him terrified him. The only other person that Ben had felt this much love for had been Paul and Lee knew it must have been the most heartbreaking experience of his life losing him like he did. 

“That’s not going to happen Ben,” Lee assured him, placing his hands on the younger mans forearms to settle him “I’ve known Callum all my life and he’s braver than he thinks he is,”

Meeting his eyes Ben nodded unsure, he desperately wanted to believe that, but nothing had gone right for them yet, so why should it start now. “Look,” Lee began trying another approach “How about we get out of here for a bit? Head to this bar your mom owns,”

“Thinking of changing teams then Carter?” Ben teased trying to lighten the mood.

“With the luck I’ve had with women it’s tempting,” Lee responded half joking “Least you’d know what the other half was thinking. Men are way less complicated,”

Snorting loudly Ben grabbed his coat following him out the kitchen door “I wouldn’t be so sure of that,”

The market was busy even for lunchtime but Lee recognised a distraught Whitney making her way through the crowd. Her head was hung low but he could visibly tell that she was crying. Tapping Ben on the arm he motioned to the young women quite clearly in pain. Ben eyed him cautiously, Callum’s current state a great worry to both of them.

“Whit!” Lee called concerned grabbing her arm as she tried to pass. She looked up at him startled, quite clearly in her own world that she hadn’t noticed him or Ben.

Looking between the both of them she let out an angry sob “You knew didn’t you?” 

Lee had the good grace to look guilty “I’m sorry Whit,” he replied sadly “It wasn’t my secret to tell, I urged him to tell you the truth but it had to be in his own time,”

“How long have you known he was gay?” she whispered. 

“Since we were kids,” Lee couldn’t look her in the eye “He denied it to himself for so long that I think he started even believing he was straight himself,”

Tears falling freely Whitney tried desperately to compose herself but it was impossible “All this time,” she gasped “He must have be desperate to get away from me,”

“No Whit,” Lee reassured her “Callum loved you, just…”

“Not the way I wanted him to,” he reflected sadly.

“Where is he?” Ben asked anxious “I need to find him,” He feared the idea of Callum struggling alone,”

Whitney’s eyes narrowed realising up until this moment she hadn’t taken any notice that Ben was there. Suddenly it all fit into place! Gasping she put her hand up covering her mouth, shaking her head while the whole time her brain just kept screaming ‘Ben Mitchell! Ben bloody Mitchell’

“It’s you!” she whispered shocked “You’re the other man, the one he’s fallen in love with. The one he wants to plan a life with,” her voice turned harsh as she lunged forward at Ben, her nails sharp and ready to dig into his face. Lee saw it coming; he had known Whitney long enough to know how she struck out. Unfortunately she was quicker than him and by the time he had reacted, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her off at startled Ben she’d managed to claw at his face drawing blood.

A crowd began to form in the market all shocked at the sight in front of them. Whitney had gone from cat like creature trying desperately to gauge Ben Mitchell’s eyes out to a blubbering mess who’d sunk to the floor sobbing in her ex husband’s arms.

It took a lot to visibly shake Ben, but Whitney striking out had. He understood her reaction and although he had half expected it; it still somehow managed to take him by surprise. Putting his fingers to his face he wiped away a small trace of blood from the injury close to his right eye that her nails had left. Looking down at Whitney he felt a surge of guilt that he hadn’t expected. He hadn’t set out to destroy her happiness; it had become a casualty in his and Callum’s love story. But you can’t chose whom you fall in love with and you can’t hide whom you really are to spare someone else’s pain. Ben knew that if Callum stayed as dependable ‘Halfway’ then slowly the bright light that shone from him would slowly disappear until a sobering darkness was all that was left. Yes Whitney deserved happiness, especially after all the pain she’d been through, but so did he and so did Callum. 

Lee’s eyes met Ben’s and the younger man could tell that he was conflicted. He wanted to check that his friend was all right but at the same time he didn’t want to leave his ex-wife so distraught. Ben looked at him pleadingly, desperate himself to get to Callum. “Go,” Lee told him “Go and check he’s alright. I’ll stay with Whitney,” 

Ben didn’t need telling twice, he raced off in the direction of Callum’s flat not looking back to where Lee was trying but failing to calm down his ex. Racing through the crowd of market traders and shoppers he managed to make it to Callum’s flat in no time. He pressed the buzzer furiously but there was no answer. He tried again and again but if Callum was in there he wasn’t answering. 

“Callum!” Ben yelled, “Callum let me in,” Again he pressed the buzzer but still there was no response.

‘Bruv?” Jay appeared at his side concerned “What the hell is going on? I can hear you shouting from my office,”

“Do you still have the spare key for upstairs?” Ben asked, panic evident in his voice.

“Err yeah, why?”

“Well go get it!” Ben snapped stilling trying the buzzer “CALLUM! ANSWER THE BLOODY DOOR!” 

Concerned Jay ventured back inside in search of the key, returning moments later with it in hand. Unlocking the door Ben pushed past him almost knocking Jay off his feet. A hundred and one thoughts were racing through his mind; he had no idea what state he might find Callum in. He remembered what coming out had done to him personally. It was one of the hardest times of his life. Desperate to feel accepted, not just by those around him but by himself too. It took a long time to become the cocky self-assured Ben Mitchell he was now.

Pushing the door upstairs open he frantically he almost fell through the door “Cal?” he called “Callum?” The only answer he received was the faint sound of sobbing her could hear from the bedroom. Moving forward he gently opened the door and tentatively headed into the room. The sight before he broke his heart. His Callum was curled up on the bed with his back to him, crying uncontrollably. Quickly he made his way over to him and although he never responded Callum felt the bed dip as Ben lay down beside him. 

The sight that greeted Jay once he’d followed Ben upstairs surprised him. Ben and Callum were lying on the bed facing the window as Ben soothed Callum as he cried. “Shh Baby,” Jay heard him pacify Callum’s sobs “It’ll be alright I promise,” Jay knew he was intruding on a private and intimate moment. Ben was spooning Callum, his right wrapped around his waist as his left stroked through his hair.

“I’ve broken her heart Ben,” Callum cried. That was when Jay knew! Callum and his brother were involved. That was quite clear from the scene in front of him. Quietly he retreated back leaving the two men alone. Right now Callum needed Ben and he was pretty sure that Ben needed Callum.

The minutes ticked by and Ben wasn’t sure how long they had been lying there but Callum’s sobs had finally subsided. Ben was sure that through sheer exhaustion Callum kept slipping in and out of consciousness. Ben never let go of him though. He just kept stroking his hair and whispering reassuring words to him, like ‘I love you ‘ and ‘We’ll do this together’,” This might be Callum’s internal struggle but Ben would be there to help him through it.

Callum knew this! He knew that Ben would protect him from the looks, the accusations and the unkind words. But he wasn’t yet ready to face them.

“I can’t face them Ben!” Callum whispered surprising Ben. It was the first time he’s spoken since Ben had got there. “Whitney, Stuart… the rest of the square. I’m not ready to go out there,” 

“Then we don’t,” Ben answered warmly “Babe we do this at your speed ok,”

“Turning in Ben’s arms Callum smiled briefly at him before noticing the marks on his face. “How?” he asked venturing to touch the wound.

Ben caught his fingers, kissing them softly before he had chance to touch it.

“Whitney!” Ben answered sadly. Callum’s eyes widened “Did you tell her you had fallen in love with a man?”

Callum nodded gently.

“Well she bumped into me and Lee in the market. She was in a state and explained that you had told her you were gay. I was concerned about you and told Lee I needed to find you. I think my interest made everything fall into place and she went for me. Lee had to drag her off, he’s currently trying to calm her down,”

Callum’s guilt was overwhelming! Ben could see the emotion written all over his face, threatening to set back all the progress he had made. Ben couldn’t and wouldn’t allow that. They had waited so long and had been through so much that going back was not an option. “No Callum,” Ben began firmly, making his lover look directly at him with sad eyes “The hardest part is done. We deserve to be happy,”

Callum didn’t answer, he just cast his eyes downwards making Ben grab his bicep and shake him. Startled at Ben, Callum listened as he insisted that this was the opportunity to finally be himself. “I’m not saying that you have to come out to the entire square Babe,” Ben sighed softening slightly. He ran a hand down the side of Callum’s face, cupping his chin before placing a chase kiss to his lips “You will do that in your own time. Just allow yourself to finally be you. I think Callum Highway’s pretty great,” 

Callum’s smile grew wide, mirroring Ben’s. “Does that mean you’ll help me down from the tower?”

It was time to be brave, with Ben’s help he could get through anything.


End file.
